I am walking towards tomorrow with an intense mix of emotions. Am I ready to have chemo behind me? Absolutely. Am I ready for what lies ahead? No way – there is so far to go in this journey and none of it is going to be easy. Many have told me that this is the end of a chapter and I should just put it behind me but I’ll be honest that isn’t how this process is working for me. While I’ll leave room for it if it comes, I do not expect a sense of relief or accomplishment after tomorrow’s treatment. It is a milestone for sure and we’ll mark it as such just don’t be caught off guard if I’m still reserved. I know the boys are planning to celebrate big when I get home tomorrow and I will celebrate with them. I’ll be excited that they are excited. I just don’t expect to feel the same excitement.
Things We’re Praising God for . . .
- More energy.
- Frank conversations.
- Doctors who will lay out honest options.
- The ability to change my mind.
- Warm weather and feeling less cold.
- Time to relax as a family.
- Good friends who listen and don’t tell me what to do.
- Long walks.
- Tears and a husband who lets me feel what I need to feel.
- Rising blood counts.
- The chance to travel for a few days and to see family we haven’t seen in person for the first time in what feels like a really long time.
- People who are supporting our physical needs.
- The arrival of summer for the boys’ friends.
- Being outside – we all sleep better when we’ve been outside a bunch.
Things We’re Currently Lifting Up . . .
- Tolerance for this next treatment.
- Continued peace.
- Words to explain the next steps to the boys.
- Resilience to comments and questions, especially from strangers.
- My joints – last treatment they were mostly good but as I understand it that is a treatment to treatment thing.
- Decisions and flexibility – there is much to decide and lots of things up in the air at the moment.
- Protection of my physical nerves – we’re doing cryotherapy to help avoid damage so you can be praying for me to not freeze through treatments as well.
- Physical strength – I’ve been able to coach soccer and walk multiple miles fairly regularly but I can tell I’m weaker than I was at the start of this.
- Emotional strength and endurance – this is a long road, we’re five months in and know that we have at least four more to go.
Like the last treatments, Andy or I will try to update again tomorrow or Friday and let everyone know how the treatment went. Thanks for being part of our team.