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Yesterday was haircut day in our house. Ever since the beginning of the pandemic, I’ve been in charge of cutting Andy and all the boys’ hair. At first, I wasn’t terribly good at it but it was me or nothing so they let me do it. Now, I can do a decent job if I’m not in a hurry so they continue to let me do it. Haircut day may not seem like a big deal but this time it was for several reasons.

  1. It was the first time since treatments started that I tried to cut anyone’s hair so it marks that a good bit of time has passed.
  2. Cutting hair may seem like it wouldn’t take much energy but wiggly boys and a short chair require more effort than one may think. I also am at the point in my treatment cycle that simply making dinner or sitting to teach school for the day is substantial effort – it is effort I want to put out but it is effort none the less. When my blood counts are at their lowest – 7-10 days post treatment for this cycle of chemo – my energy is also at its lowest. When we started the haircuts yesterday, I started with Andy knowing that was the most important one I had to do and then after his I figured I could quit between any other set of haircuts. The fact I made it all the way through everyone was shocking and wonderful.
  3. I had Andy cut what hair I had left on my head down to a very short buzz. Why? Well, by the end of day on Wednesday I did look like Syd’s crazy spider doll in Toy Story. I had tufts of hair here and there, some thick, some thin, some hardly noticeable. It didn’t really bother me as a look on Wednesday night or Thursday. But for the emotional sake of the boys, Andy and I had decided on Wednesday night not to let them see my newest hair style so hats or my wig had become an essential fashion accessory even at home. By Friday morning the new look was taking a toll mentally and by Saturday I knew I had to do something about it. Since we had the buzzers out and my whole bathroom was already covered in hair from the cuts I had done, Andy graciously was willing to buzz the “long” hair down. By buzzing the hair to a very short length, you can’t really tell that it is patchy and mentally that was a big deal because it looked intentional. It also meant that I would be able to go wigless and hatless around the house again should I choose to do so – let’s just say that bald heads are cold so as of now I haven’t actually gone without my wig or a hat but I could.

Saturday’s haircuts were a milestone in our house. A milestone we knew would come. While my hair will likely continue to fall out, it will be far less noticeable around our house and it will be far less noticeable on my head.

Today I’m thankful for a husband who is willing to do the hard, emotional things. Cutting my hair wasn’t easy for either of us but I’m so grateful it is something we could do together and that we could be alone while it was happening. I’m also thankful for a good wig. Now that I’m mostly hairless, the wig fits better and it is far more comfortable to wear. I wore it for nearly seven hours today without really thinking about it something that seemed impossible even a short week ago.